Infidelity, Faithfulness and Monogamy. Do They Really Matter?

What is Infidelity?

Nothing will kill a marriage faster than infidelity. One does not have to have an affair to be unfaithful. Allowing yourself to develop strong feelings of attachment to someone other than your spouse is dangerous as well.

Being faithful means there are no others in our lives. That means you are faithful physically, mentally, and emotionally. You should not allow yourself to become romantic with anyone other than your spouse. You should not have strong emotional attachments to or fall in love with anyone other than your spouse. Anything less is infidelity.

Infidelity can destroy lives, not just the life of your spouse, but also your children. It can destroy friendships. It can motivate people to do unspeakable acts in the name of revenge. Nothing good at all comes from having an affair. No amount of short-term, fleeting pleasure can ever compensate for all of the heartache and misery that comes along with unfaithfulness.

Why is Infidelity so Painful?

To better understand why infidelity is so painful you must first understand the difference between sex and love. There is no difference between sex and love. Many people try to use this justification when they have been unfaithful. It is a lie people tell themselves and others to minimize what they have done. Sex and love are interconnected and interrelated.

Too many people want to minimize the impact sex has on a relationship between a man and a woman. Sex has become nothing more than some sort of toy adults have which entertains them. No one would disagree sex is pleasurable. The question then becomes why sex happens to be pleasurable.

If sex weren’t pleasurable, then the human race would have become extinct many, many years ago. If men didn’t have such a strong sex drive, then most men would not be willing to accept the responsibilities of a family. Avoiding the responsibilities of a family has become more common in all areas of our society. It impacts children who grow up without the influence of a father in their lives.

So just how are sex and love interconnected? Think about it for a moment. Sex, in addition to being pleasurable, is a reaffirmation of the love that should exist in a marriage. During intercourse a man and a woman literally become one. It symbolizes and reaffirms the commitment a married couple should have for each other.

In addition, sex is different for most men than it is for most women. Sex is a tremendous release of energy for a man. During sex a man feels validated and loved for who he is as a man. A man is better able to understand the emotional needs of his wife by having his physical needs met.

Sex is much different for a woman. A woman opens herself up mentally and physically to a man during sex. It is a vulnerable time for a woman both physically and emotionally. As a result, sex can be a much more emotional experience for a woman and explains why most women are not as quick arouse sexually as men. A woman has to have her emotional needs met before she can understand the physical needs of her husband.

So taking all of these things into consideration, the act of sex can become one of love, acceptance, commitment, and affirmation. This is why people become so devastated when a spouse strays. The betrayed spouse has literally given of themselves in the most intimate way known to human beings both physically and emotionally. An unfaithful spouse sets all of those things for naught when they stray. Some couples are able to get past this and move on, but some couples are not.

What is the Impact of Infidelity?

How can infidelity impact a marriage? How can it be avoided? How can a couple overcome infidelity in a marriage? Share your thoughts with us.

What Other Visitors Have Said

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Control Your Thoughts

Everyone needs to be faithful and avoid infidelity in a marriage. This goes for both men and women. Happiness exists in a home where both parties have blinders on when it comes to others. There may be those of you who think there are all kinds of beautiful people out there in the world, and there is no way to not notice them. Sure there are beautiful people, but the question becomes how do you react when you see another attractive person? What thoughts come into your mind? Sometimes nothing and other times it may be of the more carnal variety. You may not be able to control what comes into your mind, but you have control over how long it stays there. You need to be sure inappropriate thoughts do not linger in your mind. Have something else to replace them with. It may be a saying that motivates you for good, Bible verses, and verses from religious books from whatever religion you may be a member of. It can be anything.

Why would you do this? I have never met anyone who was unfaithful who did not think about it first. The thought crossed their mind enough times and was allowed to fester long enough for the thought become action. All people are capable of just about anything if they think about it enough and put themselves in the wrong situation enough times. Thoughts always precede actions; so get rid of those thoughts.

Do Not Put Yourself in Situations Where You Could Cheat

Infidelity occurs when people put themselves in a situation where they have the opportunity to be unfaithful. Then never put yourself in that situation. Decide in advance what those situations may be and then never put yourself in one of them.

What do you do if you inadvertently find yourself in a compromising situation? Simple, RUN! I mean RUN! There is no shame in running away from a compromising situation.

There is a Bible story in the Old Testament about Joseph of Egypt. Joseph had been sold into Egypt by his brothers and eventually found himself a servant of a wealthy businessman named Potiphar. Potiphar trusted Joseph and put him in charge of many of his business affairs.

Potiphar also had an attractive wife who developed quite a liking for Joseph. She was constantly making unwanted advances towards Joseph, who would always rebuff these advances.

One day she caught Joseph alone in the house and became extremely aggressive in her advances. Joseph ran out of the house as fast as he could. He went so fast he left behind some of his clothes Potiphar’s wife had grabbed as Joseph fled. He literally ran out of his clothes.

We learn a lot from the example of Joseph about fidelity. First, do all you can to stay away from the edge, but if you inadvertently find yourself there, then leave as quickly as you can. Joseph did not run because he was less of a man, or because he was scared. He ran because he knew he would sleep with Potiphar’s wife if he stayed.

He took seriously the vows of being faithful in a marriage, even if Potiphar’s wife didn’t. He also didn’t want to do anything that would dishonor his relationship with Potiphar.

In addition, the method Joseph used to leave a bad situation is one you can use in all aspects of your life when you find yourself in a compromising situation. Just leave. Get out of there. Don’t hang around because nothing good will come out of it.

The Consequences of Infidelity

Fidelity is not outdated. Nothing good will ever come from infidelity. There may be those in our society who try to make the argument that it is, and that we are somehow a more enlightened society and fidelity has run its course. Fidelity is absolutely vital to a marriage, which in turn affects a family, and if enough families are impacted, our society as a whole.

Why is that? Well, for one thing, study after study shows that children who come from homes where Mom and Dad are happily married to each other are usually much better adjusted. Children need stability. They need to know all is well in their little family unit. Children thrive under these circumstances. Also, when parents fight and don’t get along, children usually blame themselves. They will think in their minds that if they were better kids, then Mom and Dad wouldn’t fight.

The same happens when one parent strays. Children blame themselves. They think that if they were better children, the parent wouldn’t cheat on the other. It makes no sense, but it happens. It also doesn’t matter how old the child is when the infidelity occurs. Adult children also struggle and blame themselves when parental cheating occurs.

Therefore, the impact of a cheating spouse affects not just the spouse, but also the way in which children view themselves, and the way children view their parents. A cheating spouse doesn’t only destroy the relationship they have with their spouse, but also the relationship they may have with their children. If the relationship is not destroyed, it can sometimes take years to repair.

These truths have been around for thousands of years. It doesn’t matter how educated a society becomes. It doesn’t matter how enlightened you may think you are. Truth is truth and it doesn’t change no matter how much you may wish it weren’t true. A person can take a cat, put a leash on it and take it on long walks like a dog. You can even pretend the cat is a dog. No matter how hard you try to make the cat look and act like a dog, the truth is it is still a cat.

Unfulfilling behavior never brings joy and happiness; it destroys. It does so because it is only focused on self. This is why, in order to have a joyous home life, a person just can’t go out and have sex with whomever they like.

Besides the pleasure aspect, what value does it bring to the person who engages in such behavior? It may bring a lot of pleasure, but what else? When the pleasure is gone, has your love for your spouse increased? Do you feel better about yourself knowing you have done something that will bring a lot of pain and misery not only to those you love, but also to the loved ones of your accomplice? Are you filled with a sense of pride knowing you have done something that has truly added value to yourself, your spouse, and your children? Would your parents be proud knowing you carry their name as well and your actions have brought honor and glory to the family name?

These are hard questions, but they are ones worth answering. Answering these questions in advance and resolving before you find yourself in a compromising position will give you the courage to leave the situation. You will not have to think. You will avoid infidelity.

You will react and do the right thing. If you have not resolved to do that, then trying to decide in the heat of the moment is too late. You will probably wind up doing something you will spend a lifetime regretting.

Think of sex as fire. Fire, when properly used, provides warmth. It can cook food. It has many useful purposes. However, if fire is not properly watched and controlled, it can destroy everything in its path. It will burn down forests, towns, and cities. It will bring nothing but death, misery and destruction.

Apply this philosophy to sex. Sex, used wisely, can become the highest expression of love between a man and a woman. It can strengthen love and commitment. It can also bless people’s lives with children, which can provide parents with a tremendous amount of joy and happiness. It is a God-given power to be used with care and proper restraint so lives can be blessed and not destroyed or damaged.

So resolve now to always be faithful!

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