Eliminate Selfishness and Solve Your Relationship Problems
What is Selfishness?
All relationship problems start with selfishness. Selfishness focuses on oneself. It focuses on self-gratification. It focuses on putting one’s own needs above those of everybody else. It focuses only on pleasing oneself. It focuses on always being right, whatever the cost.
A good marriage, friendship, or relationship cannot exist where selfishness exists. Selfishness will quickly destroy any feelings of love and affection that two people may have for each other. Nothing good ever comes from selfishness. It guarantees loneliness, misery, and despair.
There are four things to keep in mind about selfishness:
1. Selfishness focuses only on self and does not add value to others.
2. Selfish behavior can be changed by simply changing your focus to service toothers.
3. Selfish spouses can change when they see the consequences of their behavior.Love them unconditionally and they will want to change.
4. Many times, working through hard times is all that is needed to correct a marriage in trouble.
Learn how to conquer selfishness and improve your marriage!
Selfishness Cure One: Service to Others
Most relationship problems occur when people become too focused on what they feel they need to get out of a relationship. People in successful marriages are willing to give more than what they expect in return.
Giving more than what you expect in return occurs when you love someone unconditionally. The way one develops unconditional love is through service. People in general love those things they serve.
How you invest your time and energy will determine what you love in life. It reflects your priorities and what matters most to you.
Here is what you need to do to ensure you love your spouse unconditionally:
1. Do one thing for your spouse each day without expecting anything in return.
2. Tell your spouse each day you love them.
3. Think of one thing each day about your spouse that you are thankful for and write it down. Share everything you write down periodically with your spouse so they know you realize how much better your life is because of them.
Perform these three simple tasks every day and the love you have for your spouse, and the love your spouse has for you, will grow and grow!
Selfishness Cure Two: Understand the Consequences
You need to understand the relationship problems caused by selfishness to truly appreciate how destructive selfishness can be. It says to the other person ‘you don’t matter’. It says ‘you are not important’. It says ‘you are a second-class citizen’. It says ‘you have no say in the relationship’. It also means the selfish one will at some point find themselves alone with no one to love.
The family is the thing hurt the most when selfishness exists in a marriage, but it can also spill into relationships with friends and other associates. This happens because selfishness is a mindset – it is a lifestyle. It is a negative outlook on life and it destroys those in its path.
Loneliness follows selfish behavior. It is quickly followed by bitterness and in some instances disrespect for themselves and others. No good comes from being only focused on oneself. Think about it for a minute. How many happy people do you know that only think of themselves? Be honest, I am defining happiness as someone who can look back on their lives with no regrets, knowing that their corner of the world is better off because of the impact they had on others.
I have never met one selfish person who at the end of the day was truly happy.They have drama in their lives. Someone has it in for them. People don’t understand them, and it is them against the world. The reason is that selfish people can’t see past themselves. Anyone who doesn’t want to serve them has no purpose in life and becomes an annoyance. They believe everyone else was put on the earth to be at their beck and call.
These people wind up in and out of relationships and constantly go through friends. As soon as someone decides they aren’t willing to be their servant, they have no use for them. Over time they burn a lot of people and get a reputation for being difficult. People are then unwilling to take the time to befriend them because they know someone who has been taken advantage of by them.
Understand that if you are selfish in nature, eventually you will drive everyone close to you away. Selfishness will cause relationship problems.
Selfishness Cure Three: What to do for a Selfish Spouse
Unrequited love by a selfish spouse can be overcome. First, tell them how you feel. Let them know how their behavior hurts you and causes you pain. Do so in a sincere way and not in a frontal assault. Hostile confrontation will not accomplish anything constructive. It only will cause relationship problems.
Second, tell them two things about them that you love them for. You want to end on a positive. You want them to know that you love them, but not some of the things they may do. Make sure that you let them know you love them.
Third, love them unconditionally. In this instance love is a verb and defined as demonstrating your love with your actions. Perform small acts of kindness with no thought of anything in return. Do this until it hurts and then love them even more.
Remember, if you want to be loved unconditionally, then you must be able to love unconditionally in return.
What's Wrong With Being Selfish?
Do you have a list of best practices to overcome selfishness? How have you and your spouse dealt with selfishness? Do you have a success story? Share it!
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